Payday Is Delayed

It's stress in the Stevie household. One member of the household works for a place that's gone into administration, so they only got paid half their wage on payday and now have to wait a month for the other half.

It's cheeky really. We'll cope because we have more than one wage coming in, but other people could really struggle. If someone asked you to live off half the money you were expecting for a month would you manage?

That's when you need a Payday Loans website like happypaydayloans.com

Stevie's Log 26-03-08

We ran out of milk at work today. It was mayhem. Forget that "society is three meals away from anarchy" bit, in the UK, it's one pint away.

Still, you have to think it's a little odd. How did we get into the habit of drinking milk? Who was the first human to think "if I pull on that thing hanging under that cow for a while and some fluid comes out I might try it in my tea"?

And did he start with a bull first?

Erugh!

Murphy's Law: Foot Clause

Have you ever tried to put your arm our and line your hand up with a bin, so that when you drop the piece of rubbish you have in your hand it falls straight into the bin? It can be tricky. Sometimes you need to put your head above your hand and close one eye so you can line it up. But even then you can get it wrong. And if there's a cross-wind you don't stand a chance.

Dropping things into something the size of a bin can be difficult. Then why is it, then whenever you drop anything at work IT LANDS ON YOUR FOOT!

There must be some hidden law of physics that means if you're doing any lifting you will manage to drop items, without even aiming, onto something so much smaller than a bin, but it always gets you.

I say this because we were moving computers around today and I got the corner of one right on the left foot. Thankfully it's my least favourite foot, but still.

I need some safety toe boots like the ones at www.workbootsusa.com. With those things you'd be dropping things on your foot all the time and you'd never feel it.

Stevie's Log 25-03-08

I have had way too much chocolate this weekend. I also had too much chocolate at Christmas. Basically, every time Jesus did something of note I eat too much.

I'm thinking of marking the smaller events too.

He turned water into wine, I'll turn water into hot chocolate. He fed the 5,000, I'll be a box of Celebrations for the office. He cured a leper, I'll eat a flake.

Caravaning

One of the dreams I have is to get a motorhome and just go round the UK. It would be like a working sabbatical year for me as I could keep doing stand-up gigs in the places I visit, but I would still get to see parts of the UK I never normally would.

That's the shocking thing, the UK is so small when you compare it to the size of most other countries, and yet even something that small is filled with so many places you will never see everything.

There are many plus sides to getting a caravan and seeing the UK. Like the freedom, the convenience, the access you get. But one plus side that shouldn't be over looked is the caravanning clubs of the UK.

For example, www.campingandcaravanningclub.co.uk, as the URL suggests is for people with caravans or people who go camping.

They have been around for 106 years and they are the largest organisation of its kind in the whole world, which is fairly impressive, you must admit.

You should have a look at their site whether you are planning a caravan trip to Scotland or you want to go Camping in France, you can join up.

Stevie's Log 24-03-08

Today's update is a nerd alert. I save myself a lot of time at work by having a spread sheet that does almost all that my predecessor used to by manually.

We use the print out every Tuesday, when I'm meant to turn up early and print it out. That's would take about 30 minutes to prepare it (whereas the way the last guy did it took about three days).

But now I print out the sheet on a Saturday, and I don't want the date at the top of the spread sheet to let people know when I do the work. And I don't want to type in the date of the next Tuesday every time.

So I knocked up a little formula that always gives you the date of the next Tuesday. Here it is...

=7*(ROUNDUP(((TODAY()-39518)/7),0))+39518

See what a nerdy day I have had.

The Chemical Future

As a bachelor of science specialising in the field of chemistry, I have a theory about what the future will be like, and it's based on the past.

In the past, in dinosaur times, the creature and the trees would die, fall on the floor and slowly be turned into coal and oil. Amazing, but true.

These days we are using thing like computers and plastics and just throwing them into landfill. So I think when the humans have all died out and the next species to claim dominance (I like to think they would be called the Allenites) has developed the technology to dig down, they will find some fuel made from the thing we threw away. Some super fuel made from discarded mobile phone and bin liners.

It's just a shame no one will be around to see it.

But maybe we should think about how to put that off for as long as we can. There's no point rushing towards our extinction just so the Allenites can take over. And that's why we need to recycle more.

For example, high density polyethylene (or HDPE to you, me and the Allenites) is a plastic that is widely used, and it can be recycled. It's exactly what we should be doing. HDPE Scrap can be collected and recycled and therefore doesn't fill up the landfill as much.

It makes sense. All plastics are just polymers (chemical chains of repeating units) so they seem like exactly the materials we should be reusing. And seeing as plastics are very biodegradable, if we throw them away they will take thousands of years to form the kind of products the Allenites will use, so recycle people. Come on.

You can read more at www.hdpescrap.com if you want.

Stevie's Log 21-03-08

Today is Easter. And, don't get me wrong, I like Easter. You get chocolate, and there are rabbits involved, it's all good.

But it's two bank holidays back to back. It's a waste. And to make it worse it's near to May when we have another two. And then in the second half of the year we get nothing. It seems wrong that we have such an unbalanced situation with the bank holidays.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, after Jesus was done in, he should've stayed down for a bit longer. Don't come back after a couple of days, leave it till October.

Brain Alertness

How do you like puzzles? I don't mean the puzzles like, "How does Mick Hucknall manage to get such attractive women?" Although, that is a hum dinger.

I mean puzzles that keep you brain still working. If you don't use it you lose it.

I keep mentally alert by playing on online contests sites like www.breakthevault.com

It has free online contests, so I'm not spending but I am keeping my brain the well oiled machine of shrewdery that's so sharp it just came up with the word 'shrewdery'.

You have to solve each game and the first one to do so will win prizes.

Another Quote

Here's another quote of the day that was on the top of my free email account...

Douglas MacArthur - "You are remembered for the rules you break."

I once sent a letter with a typo on it. I didn't put the 'I' before 'E', and it wasn't after 'C'.

Does anyone remember me for that?

Golf

Golfing is like a drug. But a good drug, not an Amy Winehouse kind of thing. It's addictive. I don't know if you've ever played but if you have it doesn't take long before you want to do it more and more. But of all the things to get addicted to, something that includes going for walks in the outdoors, getting exercise and doing something that takes your mind off the stresses of live is certainly a good one.

If you are an avid golfer, imagine how you'd cope if you golf equipment were lost or stolen. It's OK, stop crying, it hasn't happened, I was just asking hypothetically.

They do golf insurance these days. Have a look at www.golfcare.co.uk and you'll see.

Capricorn

I often read my horoscopes, and today's one for a Capricorn like me is a good on.

"Quick-thinking, fast-talking Mercury is perfectly placed so you can find answers to the trickiest questions."

Well, that's good. It seems a shame to waste this celestial gift that we Capricorns have today, so for the greater good I'm going to find an answer to one of the trickiest of questions, how to find peace in the middle east.

So here goes...

Erm...

Well...

I suppose you could....

Nah...

Er...

"Send a box of chocolates, smooth it all over."


So there you have it, either I have just found the solution to the bloodshed out there or astrology is a load of old rubbish. I can't wait to see which.

Join The Caravan

When I was growing up we used to take most of our holiday in a caravan. As a child it's a brilliant thing to do. It's like camping, I think the reason it was great as a child is that you just love the fact it's not a house. You are born into the world and live in houses, and you don't really know you can do anything else. But then you take a holiday and live in a caravan, and it's mind-blowing.

So, if you have a new family, and therefore don't want to spend too much on a holiday, I can say that a caravan holiday will be great for the kids. And not having a holiday at all isn't the right option, because those kids will feel like they're missing out.

Obviously, as a grown up, you realise you need to sort out a few more things first, like Caravan Insurance, but you can sort out that at the website www.4siteinsurance.co.uk - they also do insurance for you is you are going on a camping holiday too. And that way you make sure that your holiday can't turn into a negative experience.

But I say go for the caravan option. As I remember it, it was a lot of fun. And don't forget to take a camera.

PCs

So far today I have woken up, fixed my PC (it runs XP), sorted out my phone (which is a Windows phone), and go into work where one of the people couldn't get their computer to switch on (it's Windows 2000).

Seriously, Bill Gates should be paying me.

Although he recently slipping into third place on the world's richest people list, so I guess he needs the cash.

Do An Annette Benning

There's a famous scene in the film Grifters where Annette Benning's character is behind with her rent. The landlord has been asking for it and now he's demanding it. He walks into her room to get it and the money is on the table, but she is lying on the bed with no clothes on. And she says to the overweight, moustache wearing landlord, "What'll it be, the money or the girl? You can't have both."

He picks the girl and that's how she pays her rent.

So, let's now imagine you are finding there's a little bit of month left at the end of the money, and you won't quite be able to pay the rent. Do you want to do an Annette Benning, or do you prefer the idea of a Payday loan? This is a Personal loan that's only short-term and pays of the rent or whatever you owe till you get paid.

You can get such a cash advance from www.personalpaydaycashadvance.com, or you could have some 'special time' with your fat hairy landlord.

Hmm. I wonder.

Dancing On Ice

The writing part of what I do for a living (that's the bit I'm meant to be doing right now, but have talked myself into the fact that I deserve a break already) requires me to watch things like Dancing On Ice so that I can write topical gags about it for commercial radio.

Here's the shame of it, I actually quite like those shows now. It's like crack cocaine. You know you shouldn't, you know you'll regret it, and you know that if anyone caught you doing it you'd be so embarrassed, but you just enjoy it.

Although it's not like crack cocaine is as much as Amy Winehouse didn't get famous for watching some celebs falling over on the ice.

Houses

Trying to get a home can be tricky at the best of times. You want to pick one that won't fall apart with rot, one that has neighbours that you won't want to hit after the first three months, and also, ample parking.

But you don't want to make your life even more stressed by having to sort out all the different types of mortgages. There is a handy website that has easy to use tools for sorting the mortgage options.

Have a look at www.myhomeloanmortgages.com where you can get a home loan as a refinance option, or get a mortgage to buy a house.

On the site you can check Mortgage rates and find the right Mortgage brokers.

Because it's OK if you don't shop around a waste a bit of money when you're buying milk or something, but when it comes to sorting out the finance of your home, you really don't want to mess up.

Stevie's Log 17-03-08

Today being Sunday means it's been rather quiet. I went into town to get a coffee and the guy who runs the play knew my order before I even got to the counter.

I think that's one of the signs that you're having too many coffees. There's that, and the fact that I'm so jumpy I can catch flies with chopsticks, like in the film Karate Kid.

Debt

I once got behind with my cash, and it's a scary thing. Thankfully, one of the listeners to one of the shows I was doing worked in Credit debt management and she helped me through.

I was surprised to find that you do have some good options when you're having some cash flow problems.

For instance, ConsumerCreditDebt.org can help people with Credit card and other types of debt get out of their situation.

The consumer credit debt website has details on debt management, debt consolidation services and credit repair. So if you are having trouble there's really no reason it should get out of hand.

In fact, that was the main piece of advice the listener gave me. Face up to it.

Stevie's Log 16-03-08

Today I got a USB battery charger. Man alive! I love it. It plugs into the USB port on the PC (at work, of course) and it charges up the two AA or AAA batteries in it.

So I'm basically nicking power from work.

It's like the old days when people would nick pens and paper from work, but I'm just so damn 2008 about it.

Holiday

I know it's shocking, but I was 20 before I ever went to Scotland. I know, I only lived in the midlands, but I never made the trip. I'm sure the midlands has its appeal but I could've coped with a weekend away.

But if you want to have a nice trip, head up to Scotland. Don't worry, there's no law that says you have to eat haggis (although I had it and I actually like it, but I don't tell that many people).

How about a caravan holiday in Scotland?

There's one caravan site scotland called Turnberry holiday park they you could have a look at. Their website is www.turnberryholidaypark.co.uk

On their website it looks like a nice tranquil place. So if you need to take a break from everything and have a break away that's going to relax you and let you unwind, it's a great option.

But also, if you have a family to take away a caravanning holiday could be exactly what you need.

And seeing as they have some great golf courses up there, it could be a sporting holiday too.

So, relaxing, golf and haggis. It sounds good to me. Shame I didn't think of it earlier.

Buffy

I have just watched the musical episode of Buffy again. It's amazing what you can do when you can't sleep.

And, oh my god, I think it was possibly the best thing on TV ever.

You have the TV Buffy (that's one point) as a musical (that's another point - I love musicals, but I have a girlfriend, so you're wrong in what you're thinking right now), and the woman who plays Enya sings a song in her bra (that's two points - and see, I do like the ladies).

Nearly There

Two weeks left to payday. We're now in the grey phase. That's the part of the month when if nothing goes wrong and you don't have too much fun you'll be fine.

But if the car breaks or the washing machine has a mood you're gone be in trouble.

So it’s time to mention getting a Cash Advance. Have a look at the offers at MyFastCashPaydayLoan.com where you can get Payday Loans. These Fast Cash Loans can be used to plug the gap between the end of the money and the end of the month.

Stevie's Log 14-03-08

I got a stiff neck.

I was sat in a coffee shop and there was a draft. I can't believe I've got the the point in life where a breeze can do me in.

What next? Falling in the bath, moaning about the new 5p coins and talking about the war.

So, I have been sitting with deep heat rubbed into my neck with one of those bean bags that you microwave on my neck.

Joy.

Off To France

Girls Aloud's new song 'Can't Speak French' has the lyrics, "I can't speak French, so I let the funky music do the talking."

What? How's that going to help you when you're on holiday in France? How is playing a song off your iPod going to help you order some food in the patisserie? How is a song going to help you get "un chambre pour cinq nuit"?

The only song that could help you order something in France would be Je t'aime. Well, it would get you somewhere to sleep for the night.

But a holiday in France is a great thing to do, and you don't need to be fluent or ever playing funky music. I've been there a lot and I only did GCSE French.

You could have a nice relaxing camping France Holidays and all the phrases you would need you could get off the web. And then you would be able to enjoy the countryside, and of course the food.

There's a place called French Freedom holidays who could sort you out with a camping holiday or a mobile homes for France, and that way you get to see more of the country (and it is quite a big country) while on your break.

Cats vs Dogs

People seem to argue which animal is better out of cats and dogs.

I think you have to name the breed on that one. A snappy little rat-like dog, the kind that Paris Hilton has in a handbag (and not even her main handbag, the one she keeps for spare) vs a lion, I'll let you have the cat victory, but in general dogs are better.

Put it this way, do cats have a sexual position named after them?

Hmm?

Pearls

Weddings are all about tradition. I think they should teach you all about them at school because it's information you may well need some day, and if you don't know it how are you going to find out?

For example, till recently I didn't know that peals were the traditional jewelry for brides. It makes sense as soon as you know, because it's a day that's all about white.

But unlike the wedding dress, the brides keep wearing their pearls long after the wedding day. You could wear your dress after, but you'd look odd.

If you need pearls have a look at PurePearls.com where you can get a 10% off coupon, and free shipping for orders over $75, a 90-day return policy, plus more.

You can get pearl earrings, necklaces, even cufflinks, and things like this...






Oh, and good luck for the day.

Stevie's Log 12-03-08

I was in the Post Office today. I had some parcels to post (still selling off all my stuff on Amazon to declutter) and the guy behind the counter weighed the packages and instead of printing off that stamp think they normally do, he go a big book of stamps, tore them off, licked them and put them on the parcels.

I was stood there thinking, "This guy gets paid to lick things. Wow! This must be the only job where you get paid to lick."

Well, one of two jobs where you get paid to lick.

Bags

Hey kids. We have to start respecting this planet, for many reasons. One is that we're killing old species that we haven't even discovered yet. Another is that we are poisoning the planet for the future generations.

But mainly because, if Al Gore makes another film, I'm gonna wee in the pop corn.

Here's a great way you can help the planet though, reusable grocery bags. They are made from cotton mesh and work as eco-friendly replacements for standard plastic grocery bags.

I remember reading that a plastic bag will take around a million years to biodegrade. Now, the first plastic bag wasn't made around a million years ago, so I don't know who they could know that figure. It's best to just avoid the issue and use the great reusable grocery bags.

Check them out at www.cozyhomewares.com

Stevie's Log 08-03-08

Of all the luck. Today I wrote on post on my topical blog stevenallen.blogspot.com about a teacher who was caught starring in some dirty films on the web. I was one of the first people to blog on that story (I know, I'm such a nerd for searching as soon as I post, but hey) and it was a topic that gets a lot of search action. I thought I was going to be on to a winner.

Indeed it turned into a story that got me more hits in one day than my little old topical blog has ever had.

But half the day blogger.com was saying "server unavailable"!

Argh! Of all that days to do their maintenance!

I'm going to go and cry now.

Bedrooms

The best room in the house is probably the bedroom. Yet it only has two functions. Every other room in the house is used for a few things. The bathroom as toilet, shaving, showers and such. The kitchen is for cooking, washing the dishes, storing the food and sometimes eating. The lounge is for pretty much everything.

But the bedroom only has two things you do in it, and you're unconscious for at least one of them.

Yet having a good bedroom makes your life so much better. If you want a good bedroom you need a fitted bedroom. And you can get bespoke fitted bedrooms from www.fitted-bedrooms-cheshire.co.uk

Have a look at the site because seeing the pictures will make you want to clime into the bed and sleep right now.

You get the design service for free. Here's my tip, get a walk in wardrobe. I had one a few years ago and it's great. I called mine Narnia, that's how big it was.

And when you have your perfect bespoke fitted bedroom you can spend more time in your bedroom, and of the two things you do in there, I think we'd all get to do more of either.

Word Of The Day

I learnt a word today. Someone sent me an email about it. I had to look it up, but it's...

cabal \kuh-BAHL; kuh-BAL\, noun:
1. A secret, conspiratorial association of plotters or intriguers whose purpose is usually to bring about an overturn especially in public affairs.

And what was Madonna's religion? Kabbalah.

Coincidence? Hmm? Probably, but still...

Plates

It's true that some people love their cars more than their partners. In some cases that makes sense. If you were Sir Paul McCartney you would be safe in the knowledge that you car isn't going to leave you and demand £60million.

And if you were Ozzy Osbourne you could be happy to know your car isn't an annoying shrew who bothers people with its face.

So, that said, I think we should drop the stigma of being a car lover. Treat it like you would a date. Take it out for a nice meal (that would be a tank full of the good petrol), treat it with respect (unlock the front door before you try to get in the boot), and buy it some thing nice. For that I would suggest number plates.

You can have a personalise plate that has your name, something you are interested in or anything you wanted, just a catchy word, something like that.

Have a look at www.4plates.co.uk to see what you can get.

Of cource, if you felt like it, you could just change your name by deed poll to you number plate, but that way you'd have to go through lift being called "JNO 960 V", and that's not worth the hassle.

Stevie's Log 07-03-08

Today has been an odd day. The desk I have at work (or rather 'share' - I'm the only person who doesn't have their own desk. There's a desk for everyone who works in the department but one woman doesn't like her desk so she uses mine when I'm not there - find you may think, but she leaves her papers all over my neat desk and swaps the chair EVERY BL***Y DAY!).

Anyway, the PC on my desk was so noisy today. The hard drive was making noise all the time. For the first few hours it wasn't a problem.

After a few hours it was making angry. I didn't know why I was angry, I just new I felt violent.

I think we now know what happened to the Incredible Hulk. It wasn't the gamma radiation in the lab, it was one of those flippin' PCs in there.

Get A House

Getting a house in the UK is tricky enough. You have to find a house you can afford, you have to find a house in an area that's nice, you have to find a house where the neighbours are not noisy. You also need to find a house where the neighbours are not too 'quiet'.

You know when you see a news programme and someone has just bee found guilty of some horrendous crime, their neighbours always say, "They were just quiet, and kept themselves to themselves." So you don't want that.

But if you have a bad credit rating trying to get a mortgage can be a nightmare. It's the one thing that means people don't want to give you the money for the house. If you're earning enough and everything else is right, that credit rating is the one thing that stops you. So you could be forced to keep renting which means you keep throwing money away and you will find it harder to get ahead financially. It's a vicious circle.

There are mortgage broker companies that can help people with poor credit. They can help you with mortgages or re-mortgages.

For bad credit re-mortgages have a look at berkleyvittoria.co.uk

They have an easy to use website and they have information that can let you know if you could get the money. Then all you have to do is make sure your neighbours aren't too quiet and you'll be sorted.

Stevie's Log 06-03-08

It was Aristotle Onassis who said: "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."

Hmm, I see your point, but actually when it's really dark it's actually quite easy to see a light. Like when you have to turn your mobile phone over when you're in bed because you can see the little LED flashing on it.

Whereas in the middle of a bright and sunny day you really have to focus to see if the traffic lights have changed yet or not.

I guess Aristotle didn't think that one through.

Knockers And Knobs

What's the first thing you have contact with in any place you visit?

Not the women, unless it's a place Amsterdam. It's the door handle.

Now I've said that you'll start to notice more and more door handles.

If you walk in a room with a traditional pivot handle, you'll expect to be in a reassuring environment when you get through the door.

If you go on in a room with a round handle you know you will be in a stylish room, and you also know no cats will be getting in that room behind you (we've all seen the videos on the internet that have that cat opening the door - I don't trust cats, they know too much).

If you want to get a good looking door handle have a look at www.doorchic.co.uk

They do a massive range of door handles, and to be honest, I never knew there would be so many different types. You can get designer door handles too, for the fashionable people out there.

It's not just door handles, they also do knockers and knobs (I shudder to think at the Google searches that will get people coming here now).

So, if you're having a redesign and you're in need of some new door furniture, have a look.

Bikini Atoll

Just been reading up on Bikini Atoll, the place where the first H-bomb was tested and a few days after that its name was given to the two-piece bathing suit.

That makes it confusing. When you say bikini you don't know if you're talking about a thing that should strike terror into the hearts of men, or swimwear.

But if it's Ann Widdecombe wearing it, it's the same either way.

Glasses

I've reached an age where I like being a glasses wearer. Firstly, when I have my glasses on the refraction of the lens means you can't see the bags under my eyes (and they're getting big with the lack of sleep I have), but secondly it's a way of looking good. You get some nice frames and you look good, it's as simple as that.

Have a look at this website, ZenniOptical.com. Zenni Optical: Sell Rx Glasses $8 with case!

They have a massive selection and you can get all types of lens these days. And as they're cheap you can get different pairs that look good in different parts of the day, or with different outfits.

Stevie's Log 05-03-08

I've just been talking with a co-worker about the song Chasing cars by Snow Patrol.

Apparently the phrase 'chasing cars' was a euphemism, said by the lead singer's father, for chasing women.

You see, his chasing women was like a dog chasing cars.

Me? I just go for bikes. It's much easier all round.

Viral

Everything these days is viral, event Amy Winehouse's face.

(I know, technically what she has is a bacterial infection, but it was good enough for me.)

If you write a cracking blog post, or if you have a great picture or something, you could just let it sit there on your site. Or you could see if it has what it takes to go viral.

Have a look at Buzzfuse.com. I signed up and I have done better promoting my topical comedy blog more than this random chatchat blog, but that's because I write more viral-able material in the topical arena.

You can build up a good network of people who receive your posts, and if they send it on you're promotion is done for you.

And, if you have more than 30 people in your 'circle' and have registered more than 2 posts with Buzzfuse, you go into a competition to win one of 1000 premium accounts.

So you can get promoting and see how big your blog can get.

Girls Aloud

Two things happened to me this week.

I read a copy of New Scientist magazine that's been on my pile of things to read for weeks. It included an article about monkeys and how they could forgo treats and rewards if they had the chance to look at pictures of female monkey's bottoms.

I thought, "Just how low are these basic primates. Tut!"

And then on Sunday night I was watching a music channel on Sky and they had a Girls Aloud special, showing their videos back to back.

I don't even like their songs but I watched the videos for about 45 minutes when I really should have been working.

Hmm, maybe I don't have the moral high-ground on those monkeys after all.

Ester

Are you sending some Ester gifts this year?

I tell you what could make it easier for you, Coupon Chief. It's a website that has discount deals with loads of places, like you can get gap.com deals and Staples coupons.

And to make it remain easier for you they have good customer support. There's no point doing something that makes it easier for you if you them have a stress should you need some support.

Stevie's Log 04-03-08

I'm having one of those days when you're so tired you get a little spasm in your eyelid.

I'm not sure why evolution has given us the trait of winking at people when we're a bit sleepy.

Maybe the winking will help us find someone to mate with, but to be honest, I'm too tired for all that, so what's the point?

When I have the energy for some mating, I've slept well enough to not be winking.

Sign For It

You know how people have past lives? Like some people were King Henry VIII in a past life, and that's why they fancy short women in this life.

I'm pretty sure in a past life I was an IT worker. It's not technically what I do for a living but I do seem to spend a lot of my time helping people out with IT issues.

It helps that I read about it a lot and get sent some info through.

For example, I recently got some details through about a way of signing things over the web. In the old days you'd sign things with your own hand, but in the new world of web-based things, you can't do that, you need an e-signature. So they have a rather fancy technology called EchoSign and you can try it for free at www.echosign.com

And here's the press release I got about it...

ECHOSIGN 3.0 RAISES THE BAR FOR CONTRACT SIGNATURE AUTOMATION

LARGEST RELEASE IN COMPANY’S HISTORY ADDS POWERFUL WORKFLOW CAPABILITY AND REAL-TIME SALES ANALYTICS TO THE WEB’S MOST ADOPTED
E-SIGNATURE SERVICE

Palo Alto, CA, February 13, 2008 --- EchoSign, the leading Web-based signature automation service, today announced the availability of EchoSign 3.0. This latest version of the number one Web-based e-signature service brings the power of sophisticated workflows to a completely automated and intuitive Web interface.

EchoSign’s 250,000 users have already shortened their contract signature process by as much as ninety percent (90%) – getting contracts signed, on average, in just 42 minutes. In version 3.0, EchoSign introduces a host of new features that help companies of any size close deals faster, save money, and process contracts even more efficiently.

“The key to success for companies of all sizes is identifying bottlenecks in the sales process that hinder a company’s ability to close a deal. With so many businesses going global, the time it takes to get a single signature on a contract increases fourfold,” said Jason Lemkin, CEO, EchoSign. “EchoSign’s newest release continues to cut the fat out of the contract process, by enabling companies to quickly and intuitively gather the signatures they need to drive the business bottom-line.”

In a recent report, the analyst firm Gartner recommends “consider[ing] e-signature services instead of software suites when one or more of these factors exist: the signature-based process is automated; rapid time-to-market is important; complex internal workflows are not required; a third party to vouch for the signed record is needed; or the price per signed record will be less than purchased software and in-house development.”

EchoSign’s easy to use interface has enabled thousands of companies to go from ‘quote to close’ in less than 42 minutes. With EchoSign, companies are able to close more contracts, work more effectively with customers and partners, and manage and audit agreements within a single interface. With today’s release of version 3.0, EchoSign increases the power of e-signatures by extending their ability to reach across the globe and into the organization. Major features include:

Workflow “Language” – EchoSign API has already enabled dozens of Internet leaders to integrate EchoSign e-signatures into their own products – including Salesforce.com, WebEx Connect, Box.net, Zoho, H&R Block RocketLawyer.com, SpringCM, and Drawloop. EchoSign now takes this to the next level by enabling its customers and partners to go beyond the standard counter signature and sequential EchoSign signature options and directly craft their own customized signature workflow processes.

MegaSign - With EchoSign 3.0, users can now send an agreement out to 10, 100, 1,000 or more users for signatures. In just one click, EchoSign automatically tracks down signatures from thousands of employees; automatically follows-up for you and reminds them until they sign; and creates a full, real-time audit report of who’s signed and who hasn’t across your enterprise.

Instant, Automated, Interactive Forms – Users can marry data collection and e-signatures in a few clicks. Now, users can create an interactive form without requiring Adobe Acrobat – just by using Microsoft Word. EchoSign 3.0 automatically converts the Microsoft Word document into an interactive form. This form can be posted to a Web site or secure portal via the EchoSign widget in seconds, without programming. Or the form can simply be e-mailed for signature. Either way, with one click, the document is e-signed – and the collected data is exported out to Microsoft Excel for analysis and integration.

Real-time Dashboard Analytics in Salesforce – For the first time, sales managers can track, in real-time, the status of every single contract across their companies. EchoSign for Salesforce offers real-time dashboard analytics to measure metrics across an entire team, including deals closed by sales reps, open deals, percentage of agreements signed, and average minutes until signed.

About EchoSign
In just one click, the EchoSign solution automates the entire signature process from the request for signature to the distribution and filing of the executed agreement or form. With nothing to download, learn or install, there is simply no faster or secure way to get your contracts signed, tracked and filed. EchoSign customers close over $100M in contracts each month with an average 'quote to close' time of 42 minutes. EchoSign has won numerous awards including Red Herring Top 100 Private Company, “One to Watch” by Gartner Research, and Best of Show at Office 2.0, and has twice been named by Salesforce.com as an AppExchange Essential. Over 250,000 users at organizations such as AtRoad, British Telecom, GE Capital, Johnson & Johnson, Netscout, and the University of California use EchoSign everyday to get contracts signed, tracked and filed in the most efficient and effective way possible. For more information and access to web service, visit http://www.echosign.com.

Stevie's Log 03-03-08

It was a few days ago we had the extra 'leap' day, and I'm not feeling the benefit.

Why put it at the end of February? If anything, I'm glad to get February over and done with.

They should put the leap day later in the year. Like in between December 24th and 25th. So if you forget to do your Xmas shopping on Xmas Eve, you still have another day.

Honestly, why don't they ask me before they do things? They know I'm always right.

A Good Break

There are many things doing stand-up that are fun. The money, no; the groupies, who? It's the travel.

You get to travel around the whole UK plying your trade.

The other week I was in down in Cornwall. And while I had to work 20 minutes at night, I was actually free all day, and it was a lovely weekend.

You forget how good the UK can be for a break away. It's beautiful. Other countries you go on holiday to couldn't grow anything green if they tried. But Cornwall has some delicious greenery. And it's very relaxed. If you go to America you can't find a relaxed area unless is so isolated the only other people who visit are the UFOs you'll be told all about.

And I have a big thing about being near the sea. Somehow I feel connected to it. Just watching the waves can distress me (even when I have a gig to do later that day).

I remember I went on holiday to West Cornwall as a child, and if it hasn't been for that gig I would've forgot to return.

So my advice to you is to go and see it. It's only a drive away, and in a holiday cottage cornwall is a simple and great break.

Hail

Driving into work today it was hailing, but it was sunny at the same time.

If that were gentle rain we'd have a lovely rainbow, but what do you get with nasty hail and sun?

It's not as nice and friendly as rain, so it probably shows a symbol far less homophilic as a rainbow. Probably a swastika.

Oh, is that why they used to say, 'Hail Hitler'?

It can't just be a coincidence.

Rankers

These days everything comes down to rank. If you're a ranker you'll go far. Some of the most successful people ate total rankers. They're always ranking.

I am, of course, talking about, your rank on the Internet.

There's a place called Rankrz.com, which is having a ranking contest.

And this Ranking contest by rankrz has different categories

'The best blog marketing tools', 'The best blog widgets', and 'The best musicians'. So submit your entries and they will select one winner per topic. And the winner gets $100 in cash.

Yeah, you're interested now aren't you.

Stevie's Log 02-03-08

Of late we have had Valentines Day (a day when the men folk will have spent some money on their wives and/or girlfriends) and now Mothers Day (when the men folk will have spent some money on their mums or their wives on behalf of their kids).

There should be a day to repay them men folk. Father Day is only for the ones who have kids. For the non-fathering men who've spent on their other halves and mothers, where's the pay back?

So I say we have a Blokes Day, 16th of April. In keeping with what men want you won't make a fuss, you won't send a card because we really don't care, and you won't force us to go to have a meal with you to celebrate.

Basically, it's just like any other day.

Supplement

You know me. I'm all about the supplements. Not the waste of tree that falls out of every Sunday paper, but the health supplements. I think if you give the body what it needs it will use it and everything will be swell.

Here's another one I have found for you. It's a man thing, but check out prostalexplus.com because Prostalex Plus is a natural men's health supplement.

The claims are that it can give enlarged prostate relief. If you are suffereing from an enlarged prostate you'll find you have symptoms like you'll be needing to pee loads, and yet when you do go you'll find it hard to go, if you know what I mean.

See a doctor, but bear this website in mind, prostalexplus.com

Heroes Season 2

I've just started watching the second season of Heroes, and I think I've found a problem with it, it's homophobic.

All those people with super powers and they're all straight.

What are they saying? Only straight people will get the super powers?

On that show the heroes don't even wear spandex or tights over their underpants. The makers don't even like camp!

Feng Shui

What do you know about Feng Shui? I'm loving it. There's a thing about always keeping you toilet seat down. That's a stroke of genius in itself. It stop positive energy leaving, which is a step in the right direction. Plus is stops you dropping things down there by accident (I lost a watch that way once, and I'm still upset about it). And also it ends the age old issue of men not putting the toilet seat down. The only fair solution to that is to put the lid down too. That way both men and women have to lift things before they go, and the men have to lift more, but all that testosterone means we can handle it. The world is a better place.

But if you want to get into the world of Feng Shui you should check out The Dragon Club at its website www.dragon-gate.com

They have an exclusive membership program which gives you special deals and promotions. They have now started doing a club that you have to pay to join, but if you buy stuff that's US$200's worth you get membership for free.

And when you are a member of they Dragon Club you get discounts for every buy, and you extra services (because you're a VIP by them) and double reward points. So if you are interested in Feng Shui, go and have a look.

Stevie's Log 01-03-08

Yesterday was the one day of the four years that women can propose to men.

I don't think it went down well that I was out of the county till gone midnight. The GF thought I did it on purpose.

If I really was worried about her proposing I would've nicked all the cod liver oil a few weeks back, so it would be too painful for her to get down on one knee.

Now that's the level of attention to detail that men can give when they're worried.

I do feel sorry for some men. It's the 29th of Feb, and they're GF says, "I'm going to do things girlfriends don't normally do."

And he think, "Oh yeah?"

She says, "I'm going to make you a happy man."

And he think, "Oh yeah?"

She says, "I'm going to go down..."

And he think, "Oh yeah?"

And she finishes, "...on one knee."

No wonder he says 'no'.

Good Pun

There are many things to like about a website like www.cuff-daddy.com

Firstly, they do cufflinks, and they are one of those items that when you wear them you feel like a proper gentleman, and not the usual bit of rough you are in real life.

It also as a nice look and design to the site, but the best thing has to be the name.

I do love a good pun in a web address. Cuff Daddy. It's like Puff Daddy, but it's about cuffs. Brilliant!

Of course, they should be C-Diddy now, but that doesn't work as well.

Or Sleeve Combs. Nah, stick with Cuff Daddy.